How can a month feel like a blink of an eye and 20 years at the same time? Some days really felt like an eternity, and in others, I was surprised when the evening fell so quickly.
Mid to end last year, my mind started wondering to the future. I felt like half of me was already living in 2021, now after a full month of where I was meant to be so long ago, I am pulled backward to 2020, morning what was lost. It was the year that never ended, having groundhog day over and over, and now being here feels utterly unreal, like the spell is broken. This is why January has been such a strange time for all of us.
We did most of the things we usually would like starting work or preparing the kids for school, but it was different. It felt different. It had to. After everything, it’s like we are experiencing the end at last, and can start to pick up the pieces to rebuild. Walking through the haze and finally finding a trickle of sun, leading us to the way out.
This feeling reminded me of something someone once said “Don’t forget, you can start late, start over, be unsure, act different, try and fail, and still succeed”.
January usually sets the tone for the rest of the year. Even though we might be off to a tricky start, there is hope on the horizon. For the most part, we have many blessings to account for, no matter how small they may be. January was the free trial, we might not be sure if we want to go ahead with the subscription, but we need to press on like the strong and resilient people we are. Carry this sentiment and strive for success despite the obstacles.
The Danish concept of hygge, or hyggelig (adj.), refers to finding comfort, pleasure, and warmth in simple, soothing things such as a cozy atmosphere or the feeling of friendship. The Scandinavian term encompasses a feeling of coziness, contentment, and well-being found through cherishing the little things.
While packing away all my Christmas decorations, I felt as if I was removing the cozy-ness from my home. It left almost a sad emptiness that mimicked our current climate. Speaking to my friends and family about this, it seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Sitting in my living room one evening, after one of these discussions, I was reminded of a word I heard somewhere long ago…
One of my favorite words in the English language, right up there with “irk” and “moist” is the word “cozy”. I use it practically everyday and in winter probably once and hour. Cozy is an attitude, a way of life, a feeling. I aspire to live my best cozy life, always. While I use it in my daily vernacular, I don’t use the Danish version often at all, I do admit it does feel more expressive. So how can we get behind this concept of hygge?
Shake things up!Perhaps move some furniture around or bring in a new piece. Fill your space with plants or pillows or books. You don’t need to fork out bucket louds of money to make your place feel just right. For my crafty palls out there, you can upcycle old items, revamp some dumpy looking furniture or incorporate your own art.
Find gratitude! Embrace the things you already have. Use those fancy glasses, yes the ones you are saving for that event you will never host, you are the special occasion. Look fondly at the photos’ you have displayed on the mantle and relish in the stories they tell.
Stop neutrality! I love my natural tones, maybe more than the next gal, however introducing a pop of color will welcome warmth and brightness to your space. You don’t have to go crazy here, perhaps start small with a bold plant or a statement pillow. The aim is not to loose the calmness, but to enhance the richness or the room.
Simplicity is key! Find comfort in the small things. Spend ten minutes in your favorite chair, sipping your morning coffee and just be. Cherish the chatter in the other room, your noisy animals and the ambient noises.
A new year… a new…..nope. We all know the “new year, new me” sentiment. Most of us have used this phrase at least once in our lives. Along with new years resolutions, this never materializes into a true outcome.
The premise that we can start fresh, looking out at all the possibilities and endless adventures that await us, now seems very outdated…so 2019 in fact. Even though we enter a new year “technically”, it feels more like a continuation of 2020. That doesn’t mean, however, that we cannot have a more positive outlook, it just means we need to be more realistic with our goals this year.
While last year was a struggle for all of us, most had the opportunity to look inward. We spend the most time (we probably ever have) with our thoughts and discovered ourselves in a new way. We tested our boundaries, worked through some difficult choices, tackled unexpected life changes, learned new things about us and over all fought some inward battles that hopefully left us in a good place in the end.
The things is, we never really considered our outside influences. Like we ended 2020, let us start this year by making the hard choices. Choices about who we let in our bubble, how we want to move forward, our career goals, health decisions, mental awareness and all the things that effect our happiness and quality of life.
Here is where I would start:
Detox the body – no this isn’t another diet. During lockdown and perhaps even more during the holidays, we have been cramming in all kinds of naughty treats, maybe even over eating (guilty as charged). Detoxing is not about loosing weight, but to flush out all the toxins we have built up throughout the year. There are so many ways you can detox the body. You can start with something simple like cutting out alcohol for a month or invest in an eating plan like the 13 day metabolism detox.
2. Purge outward negativity – now that you feel good inside, let’s bring that outside. Start by looking at your social media, block all drama channels/pages, unaccredited sources and fake news streams. Remove “friends” that post things that make you feel angry, upset or unworthy. Now expand this to your physical relationships, purge the people who bring negativity into your space – ain’t no body got time for that in 2021
3. Manifest joy – you have removed the bad, make room for the good. Invest in things that lift you up, this can be as small as indulging in your favorite ice-cream (even if it is a little expensive) or having a virtual date with a great friend and a glass of wine. Look around and realize all the potential for happiness. Wake up every morning with gratitude in your heart and an open mind for good things. I know this is easier said than done, the choice to try alone, will shift things towards your inner and outer joy.
4. Do the work – think about the things you want and can achieve. You won’t wake up with bulging abs after one run. You won’t find the partner of your dreams if you only look at seedy DM’s. You might not get that promotion this year due to the current climate. What is it you want or need in your life. Put steps in place with realistic time frames and stick to it. Knowing that you are prepared and that it might take a year to reach your dream (as much as we love instant gratification), instead of failure or disappointment, you have set yourself up with the best chance of success.
5. Bring kindness – and spread it like wildfire. This one is short, sweet and simple. Be kind to yourself and others always. Putting great thoughts, deeds and karma into the world might not always be easy, but it will bring so much goodness.
A year like none other, 2020 brought so much experiences, some that will forever be imbedded in our minds as well as world history.
I started the year uncertain, which quickly transformed into hopeful expectations. I began this blog, started yoga, dabbled in mediation, tried lots of new recipes and DIY adventures and also set off on my online teaching career. I felt like the year was indeed going to be “my year”.
Little did I, or any of us know, what lay ahead. I watched as news started coming in, feeling uneasy, however very assured that nothing will come of it. Soon the spread started world wide and it was really only a matter of time before it reached us. When it did, it hit like a strange haze. It was truly unbelievable, apocalypse type stuff you only know from fiction novels. I went through all the emotions- disbelief, denial, shock and fear.
To be honest, as strange and devastating as it was, I am lucky enough to not have been majorly effected. We seemed to slip into the new way of doing things, while trying to maintain as much “normal” as we could. I relied heavily on technology in this period, like all of us did. Staying in touch with loved ones weekly or even daily and keeping an eye on the latest developments and statistics, with slight obsession. Technology however, also let us down this year with fake news and cancel culture enveloping our lives.
The middle of the year was just a blur. It felt like forever and a blink of an eye at the same time. So many mixed feelings about the horrors, and in contrast, the miracles that occurred. I also wrote allot in this time – check out my previous posts : ). Now facing the tail of a very strange time, we can find humor again and joy in the smallest of things. We took so much for granted and can now appreciate it all with fresh perspectives.
As I prepare to go on “holiday” (does that word even have meaning this year?) I again feel uncertain, but with hopeful expectations. I leave with this sentiment – we can and must make the coming year better. Let us all take what we have learned and swear an oath to pay goodness forward.
This month was different for me. Watching the world change, some for the better and some for the worst, has made me reflect on my own life.
I made the decision to scale back from social media, trying to stay present and in the moment with friends and family, instead of posting pictures etc… (as much as I love doing so). I managed to revisit my priories in a new way, investing in projects around the house and personal connections.
What I ultimately realized, is while I love seeing what my friends are up too and sharing the same online, I am also wasting a lot of time staring at my screen, time that I could be using to enrich my life, in real life.
Here are some thoughts that crossed my mind this month:
Enjoy now, in a few months or years most of it will fade away.
It’s ok to procrastinate, but better to get the task done.
Indulge a little, use that thing you have been saving for a perfect moment that will never come.
Celebrate and find peace in the stillness, you don’t need to check your phone, you are not missing out.
Say yes to yourself and stop denying things that bring you joy (remember everything in moderation).
Go outside, even if its just a 5minute break in the garden.
It’s ok to decorate for Christmas in November (we needed the extra cheer this year anyway).
Pictures are nice, but memories are priceless.
Not everything you hear/ see is true, do your own research.
Avoid instant gratification (the kind social media gives us), it is sweeter when you really earn it.
Get your hands dirty, don’t wait for a someone to do it, it might never get done.
Find and focus on the good things you have going on, don’t dwell on the negative you can’t change.
November brought me a more present time with memories I will hold forever.
Only when you reveal your deepest desires, darkest secrets and biggest fears will you truly be able to receive and give love fully.
Let’s face the facts. We all hide a part of ourselves or fake our way through things sometimes. The thing is, we are lying to our partners and people closest to us by not being truthful. Holding everything in and pretending all is right in the world, is not the way to go about things, and ultimately effects our heart. After all, aren’t you exhausted keeping all this in? Shying away from certain topics, lying to cover secrets or avoiding people, no one has got time for this stuff any more.
The real challenge is to become an open person. We must except our flaws, our unpleasant habits, our fears and secrets, along with the good in us. The only way to get there is to talk about it. This is our call to action! We must peel back all the layers, to get to the core of who we are, so that we can move forward in a healthy loving way.
Safety first – Always make sure that you are comfortable before starting the process. You require loving and excepting people to hear you out. If you are in an unsafe space or situation, the first step is to get out of it.
Start the conversation – Begin with one not so scary thing. For example, you never liked banana bread and you have been hiding that fact for years. Starting with something simple is the best course of action and will allow you to gain more confidence for what is to come. You can also gauge the reaction and continue accordingly based on this.
Easy does it – Taking it slow, step by step is the way to go. Some scars will be very difficult to open, but in a safe space, once opened, they will begin to heal. You also don’t have to spill it all in an hour. Building up courage with smaller things, maybe once a week, will help overall with the heavy stuff.
From the bottom up – Now that you have purged, you can start to lay the foundations, so that you are truly able to build strong relationships. Honesty really is the best policy moving forward. They say honesty is the most expensive gift you can give others. Be unburdened my friends.
“Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying.” Fred Rogers
Leaving the past behind us, isn’t always an easy task. I mean, the past is what shaped us. We learned from our mistakes to improve our future decisions. The history of the events in our lives, have formed the way we think and act. It has ultimately made us into the person we are today, so we cant just exactly forget it.
The problem comes in when we react in the present, through something that happened in the past, usually in a negative way. These reactions cause harm to others leaving them confused and hurt. Example = I had a boyfriend that always left the ice tray out. This caused constant arguments and lead to a lot of tension in the relationship. Now if my husband even left the ice tray out once, just for a moment, I burst out in range, due to my past “trauma”. He, obviously, doesn’t understand why I react this way and this once again causes unwanted tension in the relationship.
Obviously this is a very light example of a very real issue and heavier topic. How do we keep the past, but also leave the past?Awarenessis the answer. Once you know your “trigger” points you can take more caution, thinking before you act in a sense (we probably should be doing this anyway). Being aware of the bad without getting rid of the experience you have gained, is the best way to move forward.
Awareness leads to trust. Past events always seem to effect how we conduct ourselves in terms of relationships. The difficult part is finding the middle ground. Not to trust to easily, but also not shut down completely and never trust at all. To find the balance we need to learn from our failures and spot the dangers in our behavior. By no means should we all turn into these perfect robots, we must learn to be ok with our mistakes. Through trust we will continue to grow and evolve.
That takes us to honesty. We need to be realistic with ourselves and others, while taking our past experiences into consideration. There are some issues that needs to be addressed and we must be open about these to avoid the inevitable explosions. Burying the bad will only breed more bad things. Air out your grievances, trauma and fears and move forward with a lighter load.
Learning to leave the past where it belongs, but to carry the lessons with us, is a skill we must all master to enjoy our existence.
As October draws to a close, I wonder where it went.
We have all settled into our new “normal”, things seems to be churning like it use to before. Most businesses are up and running, we no longer feel chained to our homes and the world (for the most part) has moved on to other news. We have again summited to the hustle and bustle of regular life.
Strange really how we just adapt. 2020 has now become the meme of the decade. We have all endured what it had to throw at us, and here we are, almost out the other end (fingers crossed no more surprises). Experiencing an event like this worldwide, is like we have (for once) collectively stood together. For a brief moment, we were all equal. Something so terrible, bloomed something very beautiful in a sense.
Mother nature grounded us. Giving the world time to heal and us humans time to reflect. You all know what they say about hindsight, I feel like we will look back on this time in a few years and realize that there was some good here.
Looking ahead, I honestly cannot believe we are nearing Christmas. Supermarkets have set out the decorations and preparation for festivities have already begun. Most of us are so ready to wave goodbye to 2020, and to look at it in the rear view mirror. We must however, remember this time, while we have it. Let’s savor what October had to offer:
Spring feels
New adventures
Celebrating milestones
Family/friend connectedness
Good vibes
New blooms
Spooky season
The smell of lavender in the air
Abundance of life
Sunny days
Think about ten things that you loved this month. As we close this chapter and move on to the next, carry these times close to your chest.
Tired of dealing with the social pressures placed on you? Constantly struggling to live up to the standards other people have set? Do you have the need to walk in the exact same footsteps you see before you, to please everyone else? Well cheers to that sisters!
It is time to work on what WE want:
Let go – Mike drop and walk away. Let go of yours or others pre-conceived ideas. Stop working yourself to the bone to reach something you might not even want right now. You don’t need to be dating, or fit into that miniskirt, or be married before 30, or feel guilty about working while being a mom. Some things are so engrained in our society, that it becomes difficult to walk away. Go against the grain, today is the day.
Get real – We pretend we are living these worriless lives, walking around acting like we don’t have bad days or mental struggles. We take pictures at just the right angle to look thinner and only share our best moments with friends and family, trying to cover the dirt along the way. I must say, social media makes this ruse so much easier these days. The fact is, this is not real. We are all living through rose colored filters. Perfection is the ultimate illusion. No more lying to yourself.
Acceptance – Here comes those famous three words 1.it 2.is 3.ok. It really is ok to have bad days, it is ok to not please everyone, it is ok to have some extra inches around your waste. Realize that as long as you are doing the best you can, for you, who cares what the rest thinks. Once you have found your own acceptance, the right people will accept you for the way you are. Hold your head up high and live your life the way you want too. Make your own rules.
Road to happiness– After traveling through these stages, you will find yourself standing at a cross roads. You can turn left and return to that well traveled path OR take the new path that is waiting for you to the right. The honest truth is, we are all walking on the same road, some of us are just better at hiding it. Choose wisely.
Get that energy back in your life, its about time you start investing in your happiness.
Friends come and go throughout our life cycle. They travel with us on our journeys, and get on or off at different stages. Sometimes its hard to let go, and sometimes its good riddance. You might encounter these types as you go:
School friends– You grew up together or became “adults” together. They can be either primary school, secondary school, high school or even collage/university friends. You had most of your schooling experience together and share a lot of “firsts”. Some of them leave and some of them stick forever.
Work friends– You come together with the intension of reaching a common goal, after all teamwork makes the dreamwork right? You share your work successes and fails. No matter how close or personal you may get, when you leave the job, the friendship tends to fade.
Couple friends– When we reach committed relationships, we tend to group together. You now share a similar goal in life. You go on double dates, discuss romantic relationships and relate on deeper levels than before. Some drop of the face of the planet as time passes, while others remain close.
Married friends– These friends take it easier with you. You discuss your day to day life, no matter how exciting or mundane. You reach allot of goals and milestones and share in this. No bullshit allowed, they tend to keep it real. You have all had the same luck with friends for the most part, so these guys like to stick around.
Let’s get together (but never do) friends – You travel in the same circles. Sometimes you know them well, sometimes they are just acquaintances. You love to hang out with them and share awesome memories. These friends are always ready to plan a weekend or arrange a dinner, unfortunately it never comes to fruition.
Miscellaneous friends – They might not have a category, but they can be some of the greatest people. Perhaps they are a friend of a friend, from a different friend group or you met under random circumstances. No matter the case, they always show up to party and you are so there for it.
Best friends – Your friend soulmate, your other person or persons. You crossed paths and will never let go. You share your deepest darkest secrets, talk about intimates and even eat off each others plates. While some friends drop off the radar, these are the real MVP’s.
No matter what category they fall into (some even cross-categorize), the best kind of friends, are those who you can rely on no matter what. You may not necessarily stay in touch with them everyday, we all understand life gets nuts sometimes, but when you see each other, you connect like no time has passed. These friends are your true tribe.
Life Stuff with Tania Snyman 