“You are not good enough” – Does this phrase sound familiar? We all carry a monster inside that encourages negative self talk.
You are not a good enough friend, sister, daughter, mother….You need to do more. You are not enough to apply for that dream job or even enough to build long lasting, strong relationships. Why even bother? This little critter starts of as an annoyance, soon it becomes an ear-bug that keeps repeating the same mantra, until eventually you have grown a full blown monster. It has now become part of who you are, and you believe the messages it relays to you daily.
The hard part is separating it after it has planted roots. Eventually we become reliant on what the voice is telling us. Surely it’s true? This shifts the way we travel through life. We experience and interpret certain interactions in a different way… the wrong way.
“Well?” You ask. “How do we get out if this?” “How do we vanquish this monster?” Unfortunately, the solution wont come easily. We need to train our minds to become our own monster hunters. Here are a few tips to help you start the process, in finding the powerful weapon of positive self talk:
- Re-frame how you look at things – Remove your negative bias and look at things in a realist perspective. No matter what the situation, you can do this! If it doesn’t go to plan, it’s ok, you have learned and gained from the experience.
- Challenge it – Is there actual truth in what the voice is saying? You will find that most of the time there is no evidence to support it.
- Make lists – List your positive attributes, favourite things about yourself or even things you are grateful for. Even if your list is very small to begin with, it’s a great starting point. Highlight these items and remind yourself of them throughout the day.
- Don’t compare – This is a difficult one. Most of us look at others and sometimes, as if instinct, our brain starts flooding with comparisons. To combat this, try to find gratitude in what you have instead of animosity in what you don’t.
By applying the above, one step at a time, the monster will grow weaker and the voice will fade away, until you no longer hear or care to listen to it.
Till next time my monster hunters…Keep up the good fight!
Life Stuff with Tania Snyman 
This is so true, especially for females. When I read the tips you shared I was reminded of a TedTalk I heard recently where the talker pointed out that mental health is just as (if not more) important than physical health. Somehow we view mental health as less, mental professionals as less than doctors. But if you think about it everything starts in the brain. Bad mental hygiene can lead to severe unhappiness and, yes, even death.
I wish there was a subject taught in schools on emotional maturity, conflict resolution and mental hygiene (which is what your article here is about.) Society expects parents to impart mental care and maturity etc, but the majority of grown-ups never learned it from their parents. And so the cycle continues.
It has to stop somewhere. Blogs like this help.
So yeah, I agree. If you hear a thing often enough, whether from an external or internal source, you’ll eventually believe it.
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